I’m standing in line. The excitement and nerves are building. I’m about to walk onto the stage in a sparkling green bikini.
I have a roller coaster of thoughts going through my head that my pounding heart interrupts.
‘What was I thinking? What if I fall over? What if I forget to smile because I’m concentrating too hard? What if my leg cramps, and I’m doing the stiff-legged pose?’
I breathe and tell myself, ‘You have been practising. You’ve got this’.
My name is called. I think, ‘here goes - no backing out now.’
I had always wanted to enter a bodybuilding competition, but there was simply never the right time. When you’re a mother with a young family, your priorities change, and the things that you once desired often go on the back burner.
Then the time came. In 2019 my daughters had grown up and were away at university. My marriage had ended and I was consumed with this overwhelming feeling of grief and the burning question, ‘Well, what now? I’m not needed anymore’.
When I told my daughters that I was going to compete, they laughed and said, ‘Oh mum, you're not’. When they realised I was serious, they supported my training and dietary choices and would make sure that I stayed on track. ‘No alcohol for you, mum!’ My friends thought I was mad, but were also very supportive. They noticed a change in me. They saw I was happy.
Bodybuilding became my escape and my way of refocusing on my life. I suppose it gave me a purpose to get up in the morning. It also gave me a new lease on life. I was enjoying everything in my life again and was meeting new people. Not only did my body change, but so did my mind. I found that I was happy again, and I wasn’t feeling sad and overwhelmed anymore.
I’m glad I did it. It was an amazing journey, both physically and mentally. I didn’t see my bodybuilding as a tool to get a ‘revenge body’ like the media suggested. It allowed me to find my identity again. To become me, Natalie, the person I had been before I became a wife and mother. I know it sounds weird but bodybuilding gave me the strength and confidence to start a new life, and I know now that I can do this on my own.
If people want to call it a revenge body, then go ahead. But I think it is such a narrow-minded view. To me, bodybuilding means that a strong body reflects a strong mind.
The only revenge I see is that you become mentally stronger and you can take on whatever life throws at you. Why would you want to waste precious time on a ‘revenge body’ for someone else?
