An alarming trend has emerged on TikTok of users sharing “toxic” relationship tips that range from how to make people jealous to advice on how to surveil others.
One video, seen by The Feed, that has a staggering 1.7 million views and thousands of comments, shows a man exercising over a slideshow of “toxic tips”.
Some of the advice in the video encourages ‘ghosting’ a woman (suddenly withdrawing contact without explanation), giving her no validation and tips on how to make her jealous.
A screenshot of a video uploaded by a teenager on Tik Tok. Source: Tik Tok
The Feed has also seen several videos that appear to have been uploaded by teenagers, including one TikTok that offers “psycho lessons” on how to track your partner’s location.
Another video from the same account, with over 1.4 million views, shows a smashed-up phone in a teenager’s hand and her boyfriend in the background. The caption reads: “keep searching your ex on Instagram”.
Comments on the video appear to make light of the situation, including one comment that reads, “awww you made him a flip phone so he can put it in his pocket easier.”
“Dear algorithm: I wanna stay on toxic TikTok,” another comment read.
Another account devoted primarily to sharing “toxic tips” has uploaded at least 14 videos, most of them with tens or hundreds of thousands of views. In one video he jokes he “might be at risk of getting blocked”.
The Feed has chosen not to name any of these accounts in this article.
One expert in the mental health sector says the content is particularly concerning considering the popularity of the platform amongst young Australians.
One of several videos a user has posted with "toxic tips". Source: Tik Tok
Compared with other social media platforms, TikTok has a younger audience. It is used by 746,000 Australians born from 2006-2021 and over 1 million Australians aged under 30, according to data from last October by .
Adolescence is a crucial time for developing relationships, according to Dr Bridianne O'Dea, senior research fellow at the Black Dog Institute.
“Young people are at a vulnerable stage of their development, where changes in the brain mean their ability to judge information is different to that of an adult,” Dr O’Dea told The Feed.
Dr O’Dea said content celebrating toxic behaviour is particularly concerning because of the ‘parasocial relationships’ between followers and users on social media.
“[Parasocial relationships] are where people start to build a connection with people that they're following,” she said.
“It could be argued that if young people have a dedication to certain people on Instagram, they are more vulnerable to being influenced by that content because they have developed a sense of friendship.”
One user has at least 14 videos teaching "toxic tips", all with hundreds of thousands or tens of thousands of views. Source: Tik Tok
Dr Caroline Wilson-Barnao is a lecturer University of Queensland’s School of Communication and Arts. She told The Feed we need to be balanced in our conversations about platforms like TikTok.
“I do have concerns, like any other parent, but places like TikTok have helped keep young people connected and find their tribe,” Dr Wilson-Barnao said.
“If you're isolated, and you're in a community where you might not have anyone like you because of your sexual preference, or how you identify, sometimes avenues like TikTok can help you not feel so alone.”
While social media can help build relationships, Dr O’Dea is concerned about young people being exposed to damaging content particularly if their mental health is at a low point.
“One of the reasons why this is problematic is because of ‘reinforcing spirals’... that when you think in a certain way, you then seek out information that reinforces that thinking,” she said.
“I have concerns about negative content in that simply by clicking on it, sharing, following, or commenting, the algorithm is going to be picking up on that and then start to expose you to similar content.”
It’s important to educate young people about healthy relationships, according to Dr O’Dea. In healthy relationships, people are loved and supported and there is open and constructive communication, she said.
But if you feel hurt or rejected, you find yourself overthinking, unable to focus or your sleep is impacted, you may be in an unhealthy relationship, according to Dr O’Dea.
“We know that relationships problems are a risk factor for depression and that relationship problems and breakdowns are a risk factor for suicide,” Dr O’Dea said.
One video advises men to "drop" women if she uses the dog face filter. Source: Tik Tok
In a statement to The Feed, a spokesperson at TikTok said: “It’s very important that young people take relationships seriously and acknowledge the impact that they can have on us.”
The spokesperson said TikTok offers a range of resources including a Youth Portal and Guardians Guide that teaches families and teenagers about digital safety “and how to positively contribute to the online community.”
“And our Family Pairing features allow parents to set guardrails on the TikTok experience that's right for their teens."
"Promoting a safe and positive app environment is our top priority,” the spokesperson said.
“Our Community Guidelines detail the behaviour that is not acceptable on the platform, and we remove content and accounts that violate our policies, such as cyberstalking or doxxing.”
The Feed flagged several videos with TikTok for comment. All of the videos were still live at the time of publication.
For further help, contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or Kids Helpline on 1800 551 800.
