Being mixed-race new parents while bringing up a child from a multi-ethnic background can be a complicated time for most people, especially when you are thinking about how your own racial and cultural heritage fits in to the way you parent. It’s something that the supermodel Gigi Hadid, who is of Palestinian and Dutch heritage, is thinking about as she says in her .
Hadid's partner is the singer superstar Zayn Malik who also has mixed Pakistani and English heritage. Their respective cultural backgrounds featured heavily on their minds when it came to making decisions about how they will raise their daughter.
“We are that first generation of those mixed races, and then that comes with that first generational experience of being like, ‘Oh damn, I’m the bridge!’. That’s not something that my parents experienced or that they can really help me through. It’s something I’ve always thought about my whole life,” Hadid said.
Both my parents are Pakistani and my children will not experience the world in the same way that I did.
As someone who is also raising mixed race children, Hadid’s quote really stood out for me. Both my parents are Pakistani and my children will not experience the world in the same way that I did. While I was born in Pakistan and didn’t move to a white-dominated country like Australia until I was 12, my children are half-white and have lived in Australia pretty much from birth. As my children get older, the way their cultural backgrounds shape how they interact with the world will be different again from me.
As Hadid said, “because both of our parents are their own heritage,” it meant that she could not rely on her parents experience to mirror her own.
Much has been written about bringing up biracial or mixed-race children. As writers Kathomi Gatwiri, Leticia Anderson mentioned on raising racially conscious children, having conversations early about race and equality can be beneficial to the whole family.
“Studies show that babies begin to show racial preferences ," they wrote. "By age five, children may demonstrate picked up from their social environments and use race-based stereotypes to explain behaviour. Children notice racial difference, therefore in a way that is respectful and kind, in age appropriate terms. Children need to understand that there is nothing wrong with racial difference.”
Hadid seems to be conscious about having these conversations with her daughter Khai, who is still only nine months old.
“I think that Khai will grow up feeling out the way that she can or wants to be a bridge for her different ethnicities. But I think that it will be nice to be able to have those conversations, and see where she comes from [with] it, without us putting that onto her. What comes from her is what I’m most excited about, and being able to add to that or answer her questions, you know?”
My five-year-old for example picked up on the differences in his appearance
In my family, having discussions about race and cultural heritage is something we do quite often at home. My five-year-old for example picked up on the differences in his appearance, my appearance and that of his father while he was still a toddler. He would speak about how our skin tones were different, as were the colour of our eyes. These simple questions were a gateway for my husband and I to discuss our own racial backgrounds and that of our children. As my older two are now ‘tweenagers’ our conversations are becoming more complex again.
But at some point my children will have to forge their own identity. As I’m not mixed race I won’t know what it’s truly like to be in their shoes, especially when they begin to negotiate conversations around heritage.
As Hadid mentions “I’m made to feel too white to stand up for my Arab heritage”. This likely in response to her during the Israel-Palestine conflict.
She also talks about the “advantage of the privilege of having the whiteness within me.”
I myself won’t ever know what it’s like to have white privilege but perhaps my children will. But like Hadid I hope that they are conscious of what having that privilege means.
All parents no matter what their cultural background, need to have discussions around race and racism with their children. Though I feel as parents raising mixed-race children we are especially conscious of these discussions.
With my own family, my hope is that the more we talk about race and racism, the more comfortable my children will be as they discover their own unique identity, which will hopefully make their journey towards adulthood and beyond that bit smoother.
Saman Shad is a freelance writer.
